Caring for someone with dementia
Caring for someone with dementia can be challenging and stressful. With the right support, however, it can be rewarding and even satisfying.
Support for you as the carer
You may not think of yourself as a carer, especially if the person with dementia is a partner, parent or close friend. But both you and the person with dementia will need support to cope with the symptoms and changes in behaviour.
It’s a good idea to:
- make sure you’re registered as a carer with your GP
- apply for a carer’s assessment
- check if you’re eligible for benefits
Getting a carer’s assessment
If you’re caring for someone, you can have an assessment to see what might help make your life easier. This is called a carer’s assessment.
A carer’s assessment might recommend things like:
- someone taking over your caring responsibilities for a while so you can take a break
- training in how to lift safely
- help with housework and shopping
- putting you in touch with local support groups so you have people to talk to
A carer’s assessment is free and anyone over 18 can ask for one.
Helping someone with everyday tasks
In the early stages of dementia, many people are able to enjoy life in the same way as before their diagnosis. But as symptoms get worse, the person might feel anxious, stressed and scared at not being able to remember things, follow conversations or concentrate.
It’s important to support the person to maintain skills, abilities and an active social life. This can also help how they feel about themselves.
There are a lot of things you can do to help someone with dementia. Let them help with everyday tasks such as:
- shopping
- laying the table
- gardening
- if you have a dog, letting them walk it
Memory aids used around the home can help the person remember where things are. For example, you could put labels and signs on cupboards, drawers and doors.
As dementia affects the way a person communicates, you’ll probably find you have to change the way you talk to and listen to the person you care for.
Help with eating and drinking
Eating a healthy, balanced diet is an important part of a healthy lifestyle for everyone. People with dementia might not drink enough because they don’t realise they’re thirsty.
This puts them at risk from:
These can lead to increased confusion and make the symptoms of dementia worse.
Common food-related problems include:
- not recognising foods
- forgetting what food and drink they like
- refusing or spitting out food
- asking for strange food combinations
These behaviours can be due to a range of reasons such as confusion, pain in the mouth caused by sore gums or ill-fitting dentures or difficulty swallowing.
Try to remember that the person isn’t being deliberately awkward. Involve them in preparing the meal if they’re able.
Try these tips to make meal times less stressful:
- set aside plenty of time for meals
- offer food you know they like in smaller portions]be prepared for changes in food tastes – try stronger flavours or sweeter foods
- offer finger foods if they struggle with cutlery
- offer fluids in a clear glass or coloured cup that’s easy to hold
Make sure the person you care for has regular dental check-ups to help treat any causes of discomfort or pain in the mouth.
Help with incontinence and using the toilet
People with dementia often experience problems going to the toilet.
Both urinary incontinence and bowel incontinence can be difficult to deal with. It can also be very upsetting for both you and the person you care for.
Problems can be caused by:
- urinary tract infections (UTIs)
- constipation, which can cause added pressure on the bladder
- some medicines
Sometimes a person with dementia might simply forget they need to use the toilet or where the toilet is.
Although it might be hard, it’s important to be understanding about toilet problems. Try to retain a sense of humour, if appropriate, and remember it’s no one’s fault.
You can try these tips to manage problems using the toilet:
- put a sign on the toilet door – pictures and words work well
- keep the toilet door open and keep a light on at night, or consider sensor lights
- look for signs the person needs to use the toilet, such as fidgeting or standing up
- try to help them keep active – a daily walk helps with regular bowel movements
- try to make going to the toilet part of their regular routine
If you’re still having problems with incontinence, ask your GP to refer the person to a continence advisor. They can offer advice on things like waterproof bedding and incontinence pads.
Help with washing and bathing
Some people with dementia become anxious about their personal hygiene and might need help washing. They might worry about:
- bath water being too deep
- the water from an overhead shower sounding loud
- fear of falling in the shower
- being embarrassed about getting undressed in front of someone else, even their partner
Washing is a personal, private activity, so try to be sensitive and respect the person’s dignity.
It might help to:
- ask the person how they’d prefer to be helped
- reassure them you won’t let them get hurt
- use a bath seat or a handheld shower
- use shampoo, shower gel or soap they prefer
- be prepared to stay with them so if they don’t want to be left alone
Sleep problems
Dementia can affect people’s sleep patterns and cause problems with their ‘body clock’.
People with dementia may get up repeatedly during the night and be disoriented when they do. They might try to get dressed as they don’t realise it’s still night.
Sleep disturbance might be a stage of dementia that will settle over time. In the meantime, try these tips:
- put a dementia friendly clock by the bed that shows whether it’s day or night
- make sure the person with dementia gets plenty of daylight and physical activity during the day
- cut out caffeine and alcohol during the night
- make sure the bedroom is comfortable and either have a night light or blackout blinds
- limit daytime sleeping, if possible
If sleep problems persist, ask your GP for advice.
Looking after yourself
Caring for a partner, relative or close friend with dementia is demanding and can be stressful. It’s important to remember that your needs as a carer are as important as the person you’re caring for.
Family and friends can help you in a number of ways. They can give you a break, even if it’s only for an hour, but taking care of the person with dementia. They could take them to an activity or simply keep them company.
They can also give you the opportunity to talk about how you’re feeling or spend time with you doing something you enjoy when you take a break.
Sharing your experiences with other carers can be a great support as they understand what you’re going through. You can also share tips and advice. If it’s difficult for you to attend regular groups, there are online forums as well.
If you’re struggling to cope
Carers often find it difficult to talk about the stress involved with caring. If you feel like you’re not managing, don’t feel guilty. There is help and support available.
You might benefit from counselling or another talking therapy. Talk to your GP to find out what support options are available.
Taking regular breaks can help you look after yourself and better support you in caring for someone with dementia. Family and friends might be able to spend time with the person you care for so you can have some time for yourself.
Other options include:
- day centres – social services should provide details of these in your area
- respite care – this can be provided in your own home or for a short break in a care home